Kenya
The Republic of Kenya is a country in Eastern Africa. It is bordered by Ethiopia to the north, Somalia to the northeast, Tanzania to the south, Uganda to the west, and Sudan to the northwest, with the Indian Ocean running along the southeast border.
Kenya is famed for its scenic landscapes and vast wildlife preserves like Masai Mara to spot a variety of wild animals including big cats – lions, leopards.
My Trip
- 2003 March 09 to June 14 (3 Months): I went to Kenya from my company in Kochi, Kerala for customising and implementing our software package at the client site. I stayed there for three months to complete the project and these are the collection of mails I sent to my friends and family members during my short stint there.
Visited Places/Attractions
- Nairobi (City, The Village Market Mall, Carnivore Resaurant)
- Thika (Thika Falls)
- Rift Valley (The Great Rift Valley View Point, Lake Elmenteita)
- Subukia (Crossing the equator)
- Kericho
- Sotik (Magura)
- Kisumu (Lake Victoria, Kitimikaya Rocks)
- Nakuru (Lake Nakuru National Park)
Mails From Magura
1. The Trip to Kenya
2003 March 10, Sunday
Hi All,
I started from Cochin on 8th March 2003, and landed in Dubai on the same day and stayed there for a day. On 9th March 2003, Saturday, went to Dubai airport at early morning from my hotel room and there was no enough time to visit the Duty free shops, as I had to check in immediately. The 'Emirates' to Nairobi took off at 9AM and it took 04:38 Hrs (3556 Kms) to reach Nairobi. The flight was comfortable and I spent most of the time by watching the outside scenes through window. The deserts in Oman and Yemen and then the magnificent panoramic view of Gulf of Aden, while we crossed it to reach the African continent and the beautiful African landscapes. We crossed the Equator about half an hour before our landing.
Arrived at the Jomo Kenyatta airport at Nairobi at 12:38 PM, local time. Kenya is 3 hours ahead of Greenwich Mean Time (+3 GMT), that means, it is 02:30 hours less than India here.
The Kenyan airport was notorious for its bad way of treating foreigners, as it was very difficult to pass immigration without bribery. But now everything has changed this year, as Mr.Mawi Kibaki who is very strict on all rules, got elected as the new President, thus ending the 25 years of continuous rule by Daniel Arap Moi. The changes were clear. The immigration officer asked me only one question:' For how many months you want to stay?'. I said three, and he stamped it. But the security officers asked too many questions and opened all my baggage.
My colleagues were waiting outside to receive me, and we went to our office in Nairobi city, which was not that far from airport. This is summer here and is the hottest season, but temperature reaches only up to 20 or 22 degree Celsius in daytime. In the night, it was colder as it fell down to 18 degree. I'll spend this weekend here in our Nairobi office and guest house with the other 4 Malayalee colleagues and will move to Sotik on Monday. Sotik is about 300 Km away towards northwest, and I'll be working there with two Malayalee colleagues in the client's place. As I move out of Nairobi, I'll not be able to check my emails regularly and you can contact me in my mobile. Here incoming calls are free. I'm planning to visit Nairobi, once in a while. Till that time, don't expect any emails from me!
Thats all for now,
Regards,
Sameer.
2. About Magura and Kisumu
2003 April 06, Sunday
Hi All,
I'm back in Nairobi for a break; after about one month long stay in the bushes. Those days passed very fast. I was staying in the guest house of our client with two of my colleagues, in their Tea Estate in a place called Sotik, near to Kericho city which is about four hours drive away from Nairobi, towards north west. Really a remote place!
It was cool there in Magura Guest House, which is a beautiful wooden cottage standing elegantly on a small hill top offering a panoramic view of the picturesque tea gardens. The temperature was very low and it rained occasionally. Our days usually start very early with a brisk jogging in the misty morning through those narrow paths which divides the tea gardens and the blocks of tall blue gum trees. But nowadays we have stopped jogging after seeing a big cobra near that route, even though the security guards killed it. Actually it's only an excuse, as we have become lazier these days due to very cold climate! Anyway we'll restart it soon!
Since there is a computer in the guesthouse, it's not necessary to go to office for working, which is just 10 minutes drive away. But we often used to go to office and the work starts at 8 AM, and may last up to late evening. Mr.Daniel, a silent old chap is the caretaker of the guesthouse. Since he was used to Indian guests (most of the top officials in this company are Indians, GM is a Malayalee!), he is not bad in making Indian food. Forget the breakfast (its continental), but for lunch and dinner he make chappathees and rice with veg and nonveg curries. And sometimes, the chappathi will be like poori or roti, even though he is not making them intentionally. So we have varieties! And you know, we are drinking rain water! Here, every house has an attached tank which collects water from the house roof. Ofcourse, we are drinking it after filtering and boiling. There are no wells or bore wells anywhere near here. For passing time, there is a management club in the estates with a TV having all channels except Indian. This is the only way to know about what's happening in the rest of the world, as this place is too remote for the Internet access. Moreover there are facilities for playing Table Tennis and Darts. I learnt that Darts is not just about throwing the dart at dartboard and hitting the bull's eye, but involves lots of calculation and rules. It's difficult to beat these Kenyans here in Darts and TT! So we prefer watching TV, especially China's CCTV, which gives a clean account of the ongoing gulf war clearly better than CNN and BBC which are some times seems to be biased.
Earlier, when I was going from Nairobi to Kericho, I was keenly watching the outside, especially those places which was full of thickets and giant cactus trees, hoping to spot some real African animals. But I could see only flocks of sheep and some donkeys. Only once, I noticed a herd of zebras grazing in the typical African savannas, not too far from the roadside. I thought to snap them, when I see next time, but that never happened. Later, I was told that to see animals like giraffes, rhinos and lions; one needs to go to that safari regions constituting parts of Kenya, Tanzania and Uganda. It's too far from here, and the arranged safaris require more dollars.
Last weekend, we enjoyed a one-day picnic to a city called Kisumu, which is one of the oldest and biggest cities in Kenya, on the northeastern shore of Lake Victoria. It's about two hours drive from Sotik. Lake Victoria is the largest lake in Africa and the 2nd largest fresh water lake in the world; a headwaters reservoir for the Nile River. It spans across the three countries Kenya, Tanzania and Uganda. It was really big, and looked like a sea rather than a lake. There were waves and strong wind. Fishermen were active on the shores, going and coming in large fishing boats. We also visited a famous rock there, called Kitimikaya, which was a set of huge rocks naturally arranged, one on top of the other, as if they are about to fall down. With the help of locals, we managed to climb on top of them; and the view from there was splendid.
That's all for now...
I'll be writing again when I come to Nairobi next time...
Till then bye bye...
Regards,
Sameer.
3. Nairobi trip and Swahili
2003 April 19, Saturday
Hi All,
Back again in Nairobi, after a short break, for Easter holidays. Here it's a big event and all offices closes from Friday to Monday. So its holiday time!
Last time, while returning from Nairobi, I was lucky to enjoy some beautiful scenes. Once we saw a small group of Zebras, not so far from the road, where the big signboard said 'Beware of Zebras'. We went very near to them to take photos, and they looked at us suspiciously first, and then slowly walked away. At another place, we saw hundreds of antelopes, a little away from the road. Wow! That was really beautiful... a scene I had seen only in National Geographic and Discovery channels before! Those tiny golden colored animals against the backdrop of green bushes moved together in similar steps. It was really far for my old fashioned camera to get a nice shot, and so I started approaching them very carefully and slowly. But some of them saw me, and everyone turned their heads together, and ran away into the bushes.
Back in Magura, everything was all right. Temperature is still coming down and sometimes I used to wear sweaters, like most of the Kenyans do here. Last weekend, we visited the airstrip, which is located on a tall hilltop. We had to climb up for an hour to reach its top. Company is using it only once in a year for spraying fertilizers from small aircrafts, and that season has not yet come. But we enjoyed the nice view and the cool breeze. And, once we visited the labour quarters, which are small similar looking huts beautifully arranged on the slope of a hill. When we went there in our car, all the kids started coming out of their homes in full smiles. Many of them were carrying their younger siblings on their backs (So it's not only the mother's job!). I thought they are all excited to see us, and came out of the car to give them a better view. But they were curiously watching the car and never minded us!
With the help of my Kenyan colleagues here, I learnt few words in Swahili, their national language and the lingua franca in east and central Africa. I am sure that you must have heard at least one of their words before, like 'Hakuna Matata' (No Problem), 'Karibu' (Welcome), Sawa Sawa (All right) and Bibi (Wife). Sometimes, you can escape from bribing at Police checkpoints or other government places if you manage to say 'Musuri Sana' (I am very fine), when they ask 'Habari ya ko'.
Thats all for now...
Regards,
Sameer.
4. Lake Nakuru and Tea Factoy
2003 May 15, Thursday
Hi All,
This time I have a lot to tell, but I am trying to make it as short as possible, to save your time and of course my time!
At last, I enjoyed a real African Safari, during the last Easter holidays. We visited Nakuru National Park, which is en route to Nairobi. It’s a vast Safari area, maintained along the shores of a big salt-water lake named Lake Nakuru. Our work-permits helped us to get in without dollar payments, as we were considered as Safari Citizens, and just 500 Kenyan Shillings was charged for each person.
The park was surely amazing! Just as we started travelling through the maze of narrow roads, in our four-wheel drive grey Rocky we could see a lot of wild animals, freely moving around, through the open lands. Black and white striped zebras, ordinary and white rhinos, huge wild buffaloes and different varieties of antelopes like the small gazelles having lustrous eyes, the mighty impalas with ridged curved horns and the tiny dik-diks having the size of a large rabbit, were widely seen, moving in small groups, or some times just resting near the road sides. Not to mention different kinds of monkeys and baboons, some of them once entered our car and ran away with the chips packet, before we could notice the warning board about this. But I was more excited to see the giraffes, tallest and beautiful with the spotted skin. At many times, I could not resist coming out of the car to take photos, even though it was not advised. After all, there were no such dangerous animals, and we could not spot any lions or leopards, but the information brochure mentioned that such animals are also living there.
After travelling a lot through the jungles, we visited the lake, which is known for flamingos. The view was spectacular! The whole lakeshore looked pink with hundreds and thousands of these web-footed wading birds, which feeds on some algae or something found in these salt-water lakes. The brochure said their number would come up to two million. It was more beautiful to see them flying just above the water level with their long neck and down-bent bill.
Since it was getting late, and since we were not having any camping plans, we left the safari area by evening even though we didn’t cover many areas.
Another place we visited during the Easter holidays was Thika falls. It is about 50 Km from Nairobi and have two waterfalls. But they were nowhere near the water falls in Kerala, and were not at all attractive. More over the water was muddy because of the recent rains.
Back in Magura, we have some bad news. A 30-year-old man and an employee of this company, who lives in a nearby house, died last week. When we heard that the killer was malaria, we all became really panic. Because, in Kenya, the malaria epidemic outbreaks usually during these rainy seasons, and has killed hundreds of people in the last year. We re-hooked the abandoned mosquito nets in our house, and visited the company doctor to seek preventive measures, and are now taking the preventive antimalarial tablets. The management informed us that, he died because of some other illness and not due to malaria, and there is nothing to worry about. But that didn’t alleviate our tensions, and just the sight of a single mosquito in the house annoys us. The scene of one of us chasing a mosquito by running around the furniture, and finally being jubilant after killing it, and minutely examining it wondering whether it is an Anopheles mosquito or not are so common these days in Magura guest house. And many times we ask each other 'Am I feeling feverish today?’ But after some days, now we are feeling more relaxed and safe, because of the preventive measures we are following.
One day, I visited the tea factory here. Even though we have a lot of tea factories in India, it is the first time I am seeing one. The process was very simple and straightforward. The green leaves, preferably the ones having a bud and two leaves, plucked fresh from the estates, are first withered for eight hours by blowing air in special troughs to get rid of moisture content. Then they are fed into CTC (Cutting, Tearing and Curling) machines, which convert them into a green paste like substance. Through slowly moving conveyors, these are sent to driers after fermenting, and thus changing the colour to brown. The output is passed through different strainers and sieves where they are categorised into different grades of tea like Orange Pekoe, Pekoe Dust, Broken Fannings, etc. They are then weighed, packed and despatched. So simple; no magic; no chemicals; within 12 to 13 hours, about 22.5 % of green leaf is converted into bobs worth tea.
That’s all for now... (Did I write too much? :-))
Regards,
Sameer.
5. Nairobi City and Rift Valley
2003 June 05, Thursday
Hi All,
Tired of reading about animals and bush? This time around, I have some city news. Two weeks before, we spent few days in Nairobi, capital of Kenya. It is a true cosmopolitan city having many skyscrapers and cleanly maintained roads. It has very good shopping malls and 'The Village Market' is one among them which is a good place for fun 'n' shopping and houses restaurants, bowling centre, pool games, cine halls, etc besides shopping centres. We also visited 'Carnivore', one of the top 50 restaurants in the world, which is famous for 'Nyama Choma', the roast meat. They roast mainly game meat using the traditional Masai swords. Saturday is celebrated there as Bombay Night, and we could listen to the popular Hindi and Punjabi songs. Since Nairobi has a very good Indian population, it is sure that, you can meet Indians in all restaurants and shopping centres.
But this city is known to the world for its safety problems. Its one among the top 30 dangerous cities in the world. Because of high unemployment, robbery is so common here. Even some of my colleagues were robbed at knifepoint some months back, when they were walking through the road after 6 PM. They lost their watches, gold chains and money. Recently armed robbers killed two men, who were carrying money in a car, and coolly escaped with 1 million shillings in a busy street! But the new Kibaki government has promised to return safety in Nairobi.
Even though there are many landmarks in the city, I never took my camera out. That will be enough for the police to book me saying that I have photographed an important government building for future terrorist attack! Recently UK has banned all the flights to and from Kenya, because of terrorist threats. The site of US Embassy, which was bombed down by terrorists few years back is still maintained in Nairobi as a memorial for those who lost lives.
While coming back from Nairobi, we spent some time at the viewpoint located at an altitude of 8000 ft., enjoying the sweeping vista of The Great Rift Valley. The landscape is marked with many small and big extinct volcanoes. Mount Longonot is one among them and you can clearly see a big crater on its top instead of the conical edge, due to the volcanic eruption, which occured hundreds of years back. There were many small shops at the viewpoint and I bought a woollen cap and soapstone depicting the Rift Valley with all its mountains and lakes.
We visited Lake Elementaita, a not so big salt-water lake, on the floor of Rift Valley, where numerous flamingo birds are camping. It was really a cool place.
That's all for now...
Regards,
Sameer.
6. Equator; Good-bye to Kenya
2003 June 14, Saturday
Hi All,
I have completed my three months assignment here in Kenya and am returning to India today. I have just landed here in Nairobi after saying good-bye to Magura and the friends there.
While coming, we visited Subukia a place 33 KM far from Nakuru, to cross the equator by foot. Equator, the imaginary line which divides our globe into northern hemisphere and southern hemisphere is marked there with a big board and a small pillar at the exact place of equator. There was a small shop selling handicrafts and a guy to explain the specialty of this place. Since this was at an altitude of more than 2000 meters, it was very cold there.
The guy said, he is going to demonstrate the Coriolis effect, described by the French engineer Coriolis in 1835. Then this guy carried water in a plastic bowl having a small orifice at the center and a vessel to collect the water, and asked us to walk about 20 m from the equator towards north. There he drained the water and put a leaf into the bowl. The leaf was rotating clock wise as the water drained. He said, this phenomenon is caused by the rotation of the Earth. The effect becomes stronger according to how far you move to the north or to the south and becomes weaker according to how close you go towards the line (the equator). So that’s why we have to give some distance from the equator so that the rotation can be noticeable.
Then he led us to the southern side and repeated the same experiment. Wow, the leaf was rotating anticlockwise! Then he drained water, exactly at the equator. The leaf was not moving at all! It was really amazing for us and this effect was a new piece of information. (Might have missed that physics class!)
Then this guy said we have to pay him 300 Shillings each for issuing a certificate stating that we have crossed the equator. No wonder, he is doing all these demos. He needs money. We decided to pay 100 each, and got the certificates. Its fun! Also we bought a small globe and pot made of soapstone with clearly marked equator on it. Then we took photos from equator keeping one foot on the top half and the other on the bottom half of earth!
When I browsed net for more information about Coriolis effect, I was amazed again! It was clearly mentioned that this Coriolis force affects only large weather formation and is never a cause for the rotation of water as it drains. It was also given that, in Kenya Equator, there are tourist traps where one will show a fake demonstration of this by inducing rotation as he places the water bowl for draining!
That’s all about my equator visit and the Kenyan trip.
At this time, I would like to thank all of you for the patience you have shown in going through my travel notes and for encouraging me to write more.
Regards,
Sameer.
Footnote
Once I presented Chapter-4 of this travelogue to critical_writing@yahoogroups.com , a group for serious writers to submit their matters for crit and to crit on submitted matters. After that I realised what seious writing is all about! Here are some of those crits.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Critique
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey all... am a new memeber of this group and have followed the first rule.
I just sent a crit on 'The Secret'. This is my first posting. Its a kind of
travel note. Don't know whether this is allowed here. If not, please let me
know...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Katy
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Sunday, December 21, 2003 11:07:00 PM
To :
Subject : Re: [critical_writing] Travel Notes
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I enjoyed the travelog and I doubt I'd write very well in your native language,
but it is in English and a critique is in order. First as in common for ESL
(English as a second language) writers tenses get a bit confused but charming
in that they can be very intuitive in their special uses of various words.
Unfortunately tautology seems to be the rule here, too many times were the
same thoughts or even words used in a paragraph.. A good rule of thumb is that,
except for words under four or five letters, no word should be duplicated
within several paragraphs. Also try to streamline your narrative a bit.
Condense your thoughts.
For Instance:
"At last, I enjoyed a real African Safari, during the last Easter holidays.
We visited Nakuru National Park, which is en route to Nairobi. It’s a vast
Safari area, maintained along the shores of a big salt-water lake named Lake
Nakuru. Our work-permits helped us to get in without dollar payments, as we
were considered as Safari Citizens, and just 500 Kenyan Shillings was
charged for each person."
Could be shortened to:
500 Kenyan Shillings, because of our work permits(and what permits are these?),
was all it took and we were off on an adventure of a lifetime; A real African
Safari. We visited Nakuru National Park, en route to Nairobi, during the last
Easter holidays. The area is vast, including the shores of the big salt-water
lake Nakaru.
That's just a suggestion, please don't use My words.
Also try to avoid obvious descriptions like black and white Zebras
I enjoyed your trip however.
Jaime
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Mark
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Monday, December 22, 2003 12:22:30 AM
To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Subject : [critical_writing] Re: Travel Notes
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[in text] and at the end
[a lot of strange comma placements - I'm not going to suggest
alternatives]
> Black and white
> striped zebras, ordinary and white rhinos, huge wild buffaloes and
different
> varieties of antelopes like the small gazelles having lustrous
eyes, the
> mighty impalas with ridged curved horns and the tiny dik-diks
having the
> size of a large rabbit, were widely seen, moving in small groups,
or some
> times just resting near the road sides.
[huge sentence - split it up. We know zebras are black and white,
save your description for what needs filling in. The writing here is
passive 'were widely seen' - it's not engaging. Good travel writing
needs to engage on the human level, half of it or maybe more, needs
to be about the person doing the observing on our behalf. By feeling
the heat, suffering the frustrations etc, it makes it real and we can
imagine ourselves there. If you just tell us what it's like then it's
like seeing it on TV and we can do that better with a TV.]
> Not to mention different kinds of
> monkeys and baboons, some of them once entered our car and ran away
with the
> chips packet, before we could notice the warning board about this.
[too summary - a close encounter with a baboon (or a monkey? or
several?) needs more to do it justice. Were you mere feet from a
mouthful of baboon fangs? Did you make eye contact? Did it smell? Did
it flee chips in hand flashing you an insolent blue and red bum?]
> It was more
> beautiful to see them flying just above the water level with their
long neck
> and down-bent bill.
[hundreds/thousands of flamingos taking flight across a lake deserve
some fine description - what did it feel like to watch
them? 'excited' is too vanilla. Put context on it. Have you seen
anything like it before? Do you expect to again? Where did you come
from - where were you going back to?]
> A 30-year-old man and an employee of
> this company, who lives in a nearby house, died last week. When we
heard
> that the killer was malaria, we all became really panic[ed].
> Even though we have a lot of tea
> factories in India, it is the first time I am seeing one.
[this is a typically Indian construction - 'it is the first time I am
seeing one'. It's wrong. 'It was the first time I had seen one.']
So this read like a report. A 'what I did on my holidays' assignment.
If you want to do serious travel writing you need to shift gear and
get much more sophisticated. You have to take the reader along with
you, give them the whole package, put them there, supply the
background, hook them with detail, paint the colour in.
The good thing is you have some raw material to work with.
Mark
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Linda
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Monday, December 22, 2003 2:33:31 AM
To :
Subject : Re: [critical_writing] Travel Notes
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AS travelogues go this one is no better or no worse than any others. I find
them to be bit on the tiresome side as there is no action of any kind.You do
fairly well with your descriptions and I'm sure that is a necessity with
travelogues, but as for fiction writing it is defintiely a no-no.
Keep writing,
Linda
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Ania
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Monday, December 22, 2003 12:02:29 PM
To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Subject : [critical_writing] Re: Travel Notes
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
thought that this brought up an of interesting point:
>
> I enjoyed the travelog and I doubt I'd write very well in your native
language, but it is in English and a critique is in order. First as in common
for ESL (English as a second language) writers tenses get a bit confused but
charming in that they can be very intuitive in their special uses of various
words.
...and...
>
> [this is a typically Indian construction - 'it is the first time I am
> seeing one'. It's wrong. 'It was the first time I had seen one.']
>
...can be tied in with the idea of writing for an audience. Presumably with so
many speakers, Indian English is a justifiable form of English and so the tense
kind of stuff might be justifiable and therefore it may not be ESL?
I don't really know.
Trevor.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Ann
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Saturday, December 27, 2003 7:38:02 PM
To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Subject : Re: [critical_writing] Travel Notes
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Ann
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Saturday, December 27, 2003 7:38:02 PM
To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Subject : Re: [critical_writing] Travel Notes
| | Junk E-Mail | Inbox
Sameer C T wrote:
>Hey all... am a new member of this group and have followed the first rule.
>I just sent a crit on 'The Secret'. This is my first posting. Its a kind of
>travel note. Don't now whether this is allowed here. If not, please let me
>know...
>
>Hi All,
>
>At last, I enjoyed a real African Safari, during the last Easter holidays.
>
** I would like "I have enjoyed" rather than "I enjoyed". The first
construction says that you completely finished your first safari, and
enjoyed it. The second construction (simple past instead of perfect
past) is the one I'd use to say "After going on many safaris that
weren't enjoyable (or weren't real, or weren't African), I enjoyed one
that was.
>We visited Nakuru National Park, which is en route to Nairobi.
>
** If they were going to Nairobi, leave out the comma and "which is". If
they weren't going to Nairobi but the park is near Nairobi, say so.
> It’s a vast
>Safari area,
>
** No cap on "safari"
> maintained along the shores of a big salt-water lake named Lake
>Nakuru. Our work-permits helped us to get in without dollar payments, as we
>were considered as Safari Citizens,
>
** It is not clear what a Kenyan work permit allows you to do
> and just
>
** You imply that this is a low price
> 500 Kenyan Shillings was
>charged for each person.
>
>The park was surely amazing!
>
** "Surely" is an adverb that carries a question: "Am I not right?"
Other adverbs like "really" or "truly" don't carry that element of
un-sureness.
> Just as we started travelling through the maze
>of narrow roads, in our four-wheel drive grey Rocky we could see a lot of
>wild animals, freely moving around, through the open lands.
>
** The comma after "roads" should be after "Rocky" (whatever that is - a
kind of vehicle?) You've said that the animals were in the vehicle. Try
simple sentences in correct time order.
> Black and white
>striped zebras, ordinary and white rhinos, huge wild buffaloes and different
>varieties of antelopes like the small gazelles having lustrous eyes, the
>mighty impalas with ridged curved horns and the tiny dik-diks having the
>size of a large rabbit, were widely seen, moving in small groups, or some
>times just resting near the road sides.
>
** The list of animals conveys none of the excitement of seeing.
Grammatically, you haven't moved from your first adverb of time "just as
we started travelling". The list, from zebras to dik-diks, came from
somewhere. Because of the adjectives and the passive "were widely seen"
it reminds me of a guide book or an encyclopaedia: " (long list of
animals) are to be seen ..."
> Not to mention different kinds of
>monkeys and baboons, some of them once entered our car and ran away with the
>chips packet, before we could notice the warning board about this.
>
** This does sound real! Very good.
A couple of minor points.
Finish the first sentence after "baboons".
"Once" can mean "one time": the way you use it means "at a time in the
past, before the time of my story." ( Leave it out.)
> But I was
>more excited to see the giraffes, tallest and beautiful with the spotted
>skin. At many times, I could not resist coming out of the car to take
>photos, even though it was not advised. After all, there were no such
>dangerous animals, and we could not spot any lions or leopards, but the
>information brochure mentioned that such animals are also living there.
>
** Good. The English is perfectly clear. Say "TALL and beautiful with
THEIR spotted skin." Say "Many times", not "at many times". The first
"such" refers to something - dangerous animals - that you haven't
mentioned yet. Leave it out.
>
>After travelling a lot through the jungles, we visited the lake, which is
>known for flamingos. The view was spectacular! The whole lake shore looked
>pink with hundreds and thousands of these web-footed wading birds, which
>feeds on some algae or something found in these salt-water lakes. The
>brochure said their number would come up to two million. It was more
>beautiful to see them flying just above the water level with their long neck
>and down-bent bill.
>
** I'd leave out the "more". Good.
>
>Since it was getting late, and since we were not having any camping plans,
>
** "Were not having" refers to the future in the past. Example: We
werent having lunch at the hotel, so I took sandwiches.
"Didn't have" refers to the present in the past. Say "we didn't have any
camping plans"
Better, say "we didnt plan to camp" (present in the past) or "we weren't
planning to camp" (future in the past). Both are clear and correct. The
first is more definite. The second leaves open the possibility that they
might camp. I think the first is what you mean.
>we left the safari area by evening even though we didn’t cover many areas.
>
>Another place we visited during the Easter holidays was Thika falls. It is
>about 50 Km from Nairobi and have
>
** has
>two waterfalls. But they were nowhere near the water falls in Kerala,
>
** You have said "not close in distance". I think you mean "nowhere near
as big" or " ... as impressive"
> and were not at all attractive. More over
>
** One word, "moreover". It's a formal word. Try "What's more, the water
was (etc.)" or leave it out
>the
>water was muddy because of the recent rains.
>
>Back in Magura, we have some bad news. A 30-year-old man and an employee of
>this company, who lives in a nearby house, died last week. When we heard
>that the killer was malaria, we all became really panic.
>
** "Panic" is a noun and a verb. You "became panic-stricken" or you
"panicked."
> Because, in Kenya,
>the malaria epidemic outbreaks
>
** "Outbreak" is a noun. Try "breaks out", or for an epidemic try "peaks"
> usually during these rainy seasons, and has
>killed hundreds of people in the last year.
>
** Two sentences
>We re-hooked the abandoned
>mosquito nets in our house, and visited the company doctor to seek
>preventive measures, and are now taking the preventive antimalarial tablets.
>The management informed us that, he
>
** No comma. "He" needs a clear referent. Say "The dead man"
> died because of some other illness and
>not due to malaria, and there is nothing to worry about. But that didn’t
>alleviate our tensions,
>
** Very formal. Try "stop us worrying" and finish the sentence there.
> and just the sight of a single mosquito in the house
>annoys us. The scene of one of us chasing a mosquito by running around the
>furniture, and finally being jubilant after killing it, and minutely
>examining it wondering whether it is an Anopheles mosquito or not are so
>common these days in Magura guest house. And many times we ask each other
>'Am I feeling feverish today?’ But after some days, now we are feeling more
>relaxed and safe, because of the preventive measures we are following.
>
** Good clear English. Leave out "just" (The sight of a single mosquito
annoys us) and "so" (... are common these days ...). Put a "the" in
front of Magura: "in the Magura guest house." Say "safer" after "more
relaxed".
>
>One day, I visited the tea factory here. Even though we have a lot of tea
>factories in India, it is the first time I am seeing one.
>
** Say "It's the first time I have seen one". Present progressive tenses
are used differently in , for example, Indian English and western
English (except Welsh): the sentence "I am liking this whisky very much"
sounds very Indian or Welsh to me. A British or American speaker would
say "I like this whisky very much." See a grammar book, for example
Michael Swan, Practical English Usage, 2nd edition, Oxford 2002, item
451.1 "Verbs not used in progressive forms."
> The process was
>
** "Is". It's the same yesterday. today, and tomorrow
>very simple and straightforward. The green leaves, preferably the ones
>having a bud and two leaves, plucked fresh from the estates, are first
>withered for eight hours by blowing air in special troughs
>
** Either "troughs" or "air" may not be the right word
> to get rid of
>moisture content.
>
** "Content" may not be the right word
> Then they are fed into CTC (Cutting, Tearing and Curling)
>machines, which convert them into a green paste like substance. Through
>slowly moving conveyors, these
>
** "Substance" is uncountable and the pronoun must be "this", not "these"
> are sent to driers after fermenting, and
>
** Leave out "and" otherwise you're missing a verb
>thus
>changing the colour to brown. The output is passed through different
>strainers and sieves where they are categorised into different grades of tea
>like Orange Pekoe, Pekoe Dust, Broken Fannings, etc. They are then weighed,
>packed and despatched. So simple; no magic; no chemicals; within 12 to 13
>hours, about 22.5 % of green leaf is converted into bobs worth tea.
>
** Two of these last three words puzzle me completely. Never mind. Your
English is good and your writing is a pleasure to read. I hope my
comments are helpful.
Kind regards
Ann
>
>Regards,
>Sameer.
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From : Sameer
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Monday, December 22, 2003 12:07:39 AM
To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Subject : [critical_writing] Thanks for the Crit
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Am really excited to read the first ever crit on my writing (Travel Notes).
Thanks to Katy( or is it Jaime?). Am sure it will help me a lot to improve
myself.
Expecting more..
Sameer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Sameer C T
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Monday, December 22, 2003 1:44:35 PM
To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Subject : [critical_writing] About Crit on TravelNotes
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi all,
Am thankful to those who spent time on my travel notes and came up with
valuable suggestions. I love this group! Now I know that, I need to do a lot
of homework before posting one. As Mark said, I've the raw material to work
with, and I need to shift gear and get it more refined.
Actually it was an excerpt from the collection of mails I sent to my friends
during my visit to Kenya from India to do the implemenation of a software
project in a plantation.
I may be coming up with more refined versions of them including the ones
from Nigeria and Belgium.
Regards,
Sameer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Sameer
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Monday, December 22, 2003 1:47:59 PM
To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Subject : [critical_writing] Whats IMO and POV?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi,
Since am a new member to this group, I don't know the full forms of things
like POV and IMO.
Someone please explain them and the other such things which I may enounter
here.
Regs,
Sameer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From :
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Monday, December 22, 2003 3:02:09 PM
To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Subject : [critical_writing] Re: Whats IMO and POV?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sameer,
IMO stand for 'in my opinion' and POV stands for 'point of view'.
I won't insult your intelligence by explaining what all the points of
view are about in writing, but if you don't know or are unsure, just
start a message with your questions and I'm sure you'll get lots of
feedback on it.
Welcome to the group!
Becki
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Mark
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Monday, December 22, 2003 3:18:53 PM
To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Subject : [critical_writing] Re: Whats IMO and POV?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
POV = Point Of View, the perspective from which your piece is being
told.
IMO = In My Opinion.
IMOHO = Im My Own Humble Opinion.
Mark
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From :
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Monday, December 22, 2003 3:25:04 PM
To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Subject : Re: [critical_writing] Whats IMO and POV?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sameer,
It used to get me too...
POV = Point Of View, as in that you may give the POV to one character,
so that the story is seen from their eyes. Or you might use
omniscient POV where you can use different characters viewpoints,
etc etc.
IMO = In My Opinion
A few others which might crop up:
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
LMAO = Laugh My Arse Off
Some is internet speak, some is techy writing jargon. I'm sure there are
others.....
Mark
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Sameer
Reply-To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Sent : Saturday, December 27, 2003 8:51:36 PM
To : critical_writing@yahoogroups.com
Subject : Re: [critical_writing] CRIT:Travel Notes
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Ann,
Your comments are really helpful and my sincere thanks to you and others in
this group for their valuable time. As I said, am a beginner and the way you
comment, pointing out even the basic things, is of real importance to me.
Regards,
Sameer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Mark
Sent : Saturday, December 27, 2003 7:44:45 PM
To : "Sameer C T"
Subject : Message not approved: SUB:Life n Chat Rooms
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sameer, this would be your second SUB and you've only ever done one
crit. You should be thinking in terms of doing as many crits as you
recieve. Certainly you can't post more SUBs than you do crits.
Mark
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mark,
My apologies for the inconvenience caused to you by my mistake. But I've
been waiting for some simple SUBS that I can crit on. As you know, am just a
beginner and I really don't dare to crit on some serious SUBS which are
coming now. Anyway, I'll wait for my turn and try doing some crits.
Thanks and Regards,
Sameer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From : Mark
Sent : Saturday, December 27, 2003 10:35:39 PM
To : Sameer C T
Subject : RE: Message not approved
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sameer - writers are always pleased to be read.
You don't have to tell somebody how to rewrite their piece, a crit can be as
simple as saying that it worked for you, which parts worked best, and why.
Mark
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